


Chin Up Sunshine

by fringegapphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Anxiety, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mental/Emotional abuse, Minor Character Death, Physical Abuse, Soulmate AU, Verbal Abuse, alcohol mention, also, its another person, its minor stuff, just wanted to make sure it was tagged, neither dan nor phil abuse the other, none of the abuse is explicitly written, partially mute Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4575114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringegapphil/pseuds/fringegapphil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil never looked up, and that was a problem in a world where you can see all the colors of the rainbow except the color of your soulmates eyes until you meet their eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chin Up Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> man this turned out more sad then I wanted. Don't let all the warnings put you off though, it is a happy ending!  (Also the chunks of text in italics are all flashback type of deals you get me?)
> 
> You can also read this [fic](http://fringegapphil.tumblr.com/post/126708531780/chin-up-sunshine%20on%20my) on my [Tumblr](http://fringegapphil.tumblr.com/)

~~~

“Nana!” Phil shouted, rushing towards his grandmother who was sitting out on their small deck. She smiled as the young, eight year old boy approached, seeing him holding a handful of leaves. 

“What is it dear?” She asked, motioning for the younger boy to sit in front of her. 

Phil plopped down on the wooden deck and spread the leaves around in front of him. “Grandma they taught us in school about trees! They told us about the leave colors and how they start green, and turn yellows and oranges and browns,” Phil looked down at the leaves. “But they didn't tell us about black leaves, do we have some sort of magic tree?” 

The older women chuckled and sat forward so she could see all the leaves. “My dear we don't have a magical tree,” The women stood from her chair. “I'll be right back, stay right there. I have something that will help explain.” The women went inside to grab some of the paints that Phil used, and put them separate on a plate. Then she went back out the the boy who was staring at the leaves, inspecting them to make sure they weren't magical.

She placed the makeshift color palette in front of the young boy and sat back in her chair. "Now tell me, which one can you not see? Which one looks like black?” She said, looking at the black haired boy.

Phil looked over the palette and noticed once color looked out of place.

"That one Nana! It's black!" Phil pointed to a middle shade of brown, which would only look like a black splotch to him.

"Phil sweetheart, your soulmates eyes are brown!" She said, holding her arms out for Phil to climb into.

"Soulmate?" Phil queried, climbing into her lap.

"Yes dear, soulmate. Your one and only." She smiled. It would be years before Phil truly understood what a soulmate was. 

"Like grandpa?" Phil asked, comparing the only thing he could.

She looked out into the forest at the trees, smiling. The wind picked up and she closed her eyes as it hit her cheek. She placed her palm on her cheek and opened her eyes to look at Phil. 

"Yeah, just like grandpa." She said, kissing Phil's cheek softly. 

 

_Three Years Later_

Phil wiped his cheeks for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He was just sitting back down, as people came up to him and gave him their condolences. He no longer had someone to go to when he was crying, like he was now. That was his Nana's job. Phil had lived with her ever since he could remember, and she was the only grown-up (aside from school administrators) he knew. 

Now people were saying that his father, who he had never met, was going to have custody of him. Phil was partially scared and partially excited. Scared because he didn't know anything about his father, other then he left when Phil was young,and excited because it was his _father_. He never would meet his mother, because as his Nana told him, she was in heaven. Which is where his Nana was now, so it was okay.

Phil dried his tears once more and waited for the man who had taken him here, a policeman, to take him home. Though Phil never went back to his house he had lived in, never even got his stuff, because his father picked him up ten minutes after he arrived at the station. His father didn't smile when Phil smiled at him, but he figured it was just because he had to go so far to get him. And his father made a lot of sharp turns that would end with Phil smacking his head on the window, but he didn't say anything. Instead he turned his head and looked out the window at the trees, which had some black leaves, which were actually brown. 

      

_Four Years Later_

Phil was 15 and while everyone around him could see the full rainbow, he was stuck seeing everything but brown. Though he's been told that brown isn't so great, isn't so pretty, he still wants to see it. Not only would it mean that he would find his soulmate, but he would see something new. Something he couldn't before. Though Phil had a harder chance at finding his soulmate, considering he never looked up. He never met people's eyes, he was scared too. Maybe it was just him being shy, but he knew better. Somewhere deep down he knew that it wasn't normal to be that shy. 

 

_Present_

Phil was 17 and everything was so so hard. He was constantly being bullied and his self esteem was dropping lower every day. Now that he was older he knew what was wrong and right. 

He knew it was right to not see the color your soulmates eyes were, until you met them. It was science. 

He knew that it was right to think school was hard, and that everyone in his grade hated it. That was normal, no one likes to work right?

He also knew that it was wrong to be hit, to have bruises on your chest and thighs that were put there with fists. 

He knew it was wrong to be scared to look up, because it was beaten into him that he wasn't equal. 'Everyone is equal ' people would say, but he couldn't help feeling like he wasn't. 

And he knew, God did he know, that he shouldn't be sitting in the school bathroom hiding from other kids. But that's exactly what he was doing. 

Phil was seen as different, for many reasons. One being his sight was limited by one color, and also, he almost never talked. Talking was a rare thing for him and maybe it was abnormal but he didn't like talking. 

Talking was reserved for people who he trusted, and right now, he didn't trust many people. 

~~~

_”Dad what are we doing today?" A nearly twelve year old Phil asked._

_His father didn't respond._

_"Dad?" Phil giggled, running over to his dad. "Dad what are we doing today?"_  
_Phil then began to say his name over and over again, trying to get his attention._

_Finally the older snapped and slammed his hand down on the table. "Boy shut up, you shouldn't annoy people like that. If that's all you got to say don't say anything at all!" His father yelled._

_Phil's smile fell and was replaced by a deep frown._

Phil figured it was just a bad mood. Those bad moods lasted longer than he thought they would.

~~~

Phil heard the annoying ringing of the bell, signaling the end of lunch. He pulled himself of the dirty bathroom floor and out into the hallways. There was already too many people for Phil to want to walk back to class, but he decided he couldn't skip anymore days. 

He shrugged on his backpack and made a beeline for his classroom. 

It was too loud in the hallways, the kids around him all talking and laughing. Phil felt himself becoming more and more on edge. The laughter, which probably had nothing to do with him, became everyone laughing at him. The talking was words being spoken about him. Everything was too loud and Phil felt so small. 

-

Class was always one way to escape. Most of his teachers didn't allow free time, because everyone got too loud. So while everyone around him struggled to finish the lesson, Phil rushed through it so he could escape. 

Escape as in, daydream. He would doze off into a more fitted reality. He dreamt about the color, brown, that he had never seen before. Again, people always said it was the worst color but it was so beautiful to him. Even though he hadn't seen it. Never before had he seen the color of the brown leaves on trees. Never before had he seen the color of milk chocolate, or chestnuts, he's never seen the colors that matched his soulmates eyes. 

He really wanted too. He could dream of the color forever but it would be nothing like actually seeing it. Though, the more he dreamt about it, the more upset he got. He figured he would never see it. He could've walked by his soulmate months ago and never realized it. 

But he couldn't bring himself to look up. 

~~~

_They were walking down the street, Phil's feet scrapping across the pavement as they did. They were going to buy groceries and the twelve year older always loved when his father took him outside._

_He couldn't stop looking around, eyes lingering on the brightest things he walked by. He was full of curiosity, and everything was new._

_They walked into the store, Phil bouncing along as they walked. He smiled and waved at the greeter as they walked past, and the girl smiled and waved right back._

_As they got to the first aisle, Phil's eyes were drawn too the colorful cereal boxes at the top of the shelve. He sneaked a peak behind him, making sure he was in the clear, before climbing on top of the lowest shelf. He had almost reached the cereal when he felt hands pulling at his shirt, making him slip and fall onto the tile floor._

_His eyes watered as he felt his back start to sting. He didn't even have time to let the first tear drop, before he was being pulled back up by his wrist. He whined in protest, trying to desperately get his arm out of the iron grip._

_"What the fuck do you think you were doing?" His father growled, his hand tightly wound around Phil's wrist._

_"I just wanted the cereal off the top shelve dad! It looked so colorful!" Phil felt his tears dripping down his face._

_"You shouldn't be looking around anyways boy! Don't you know that you don't let your eyes wander! Keep you head ducked and your eyes on the ground. People will think you're insane if you keep up that stupid thing you do with them eyes!" His father gruffly let go of his arm, stomping away from Phil._

_Phil scrambled to keep up with him, managing to find him at the register and following him out of the store._

Phil didn't even look up to wave goodbye to the greeter. 

~~~

A loud ringing brought Phil out of his daydream. He looked around at everyone packing up, realizing the class had ended, and started to rush to pack everything up. 

He heard the last kid leave and felt panic begin to settle in his stomach. He may have skipped a fair share of classes, but he was never late to show up. He hated being late, because as soon as you walk into a classroom, everyone's eyes are suddenly on you. The teacher always wants and explanation that you don't always have. He hated it. 

He practically ran out of the room, skirting through the halls to his next class: art. 

It was required he take a form of art. He couldn't _stand_ theater. Thinking about how many people's eyes would be on him made him nauseous. He couldn't do and expressive writing class, because well, he couldn't write. So he settled for painting. 

Phil used to love painting, he would paint alongside his grandmother all the time. She was a professional, as she would always tell Phil, and Phil always wanted to be like her. Though he realized how he could never become an artist, quickly discouraged by his lack of skill. 

Most kids start this stuff early, and though he had for a while, he stopped as fast as he started. 

~~~

_"Philip!" Phil's father yelled, grumbling under his breath while he waited for Phil to get downstairs. Phil was only eleven, still filled with a child like joy._

_"Yes Dad?" Phil asked, panting as he came to a stop at the bottom stairs._

_"What the hell is this?" His dad asked, holding up a piece of paper that was colored different shades and colors._

_"I made a painting dad!" Phil smiled, proud of the work he made._

_"You made this?" His father growled._

_Phil shrugged, "well yeah! I like painting. Grandma said I could be as good as-"_

_"You are not aloud to make these abominations you hear? You will get no where with them! You grandmother was the biggest fool I ever met!" Phil was about to protest but he heard a loud rip, and his mouth was left hanging open._

_'No good kid, can't believe I was stuck with him.' His father grumbled as he walked away._

_Phil felt his eyes tearing up and quickly wiped at them. He couldn't cry. He bent down and picked his torn painting up. He cradled it to his chest as he ran back up to his room._

_Once he got to his bedroom he placed the torn paper on his desk, making sure the tears lined up. He took a piece of tape off of his schoolwork papers and stuck it to the middle of the paper._

_He sniffed and held up the torn paper that once had a picture of him and his dad._

_"It was just a bad day, he wouldn't do this if it wasn't," Phil whispered._

Those bad days lasted longer than Phil expected. 

~~~

Phil made it to class, the bell ringing only seconds after he entered. He sighed in relief, taking his seat at the back of class. 

As usual, the teacher told them to get out their supplies and start painting. They were all currently working on a project which consisted of different things. They all had to paint something that meant something to them. 

For everyone else, it was easy. They all began the day the project was assigned. It took Phil a few days to really decide, and when he began, he wasn't so sure. 

Two weeks into the project, and Phil was still unsure. He never thought he was good enough, and he certainly didn't want to make a special memory sour with his terribly art skills. 

Though he has too paint something near and dear too him, so he drew the first thing he could think of. A pile of leaves. He drew the assortment of colors, reds, oranges, greens, yellows. Then he took what he assumed to be brown, seeing as it was labeled that way, and he painted some leaves brown. 

Just off to the side, he drew a corner of a chair, and a plate which held an array of colors. His memory was foggy of course, but the moment was forever ingrained into his head. The day he finally found out what a soulmate was. 

It was a silly way to explain it, but it was good, because to a kid, not seeing a color and being told 'that's your soulmates eyes color!' Was just as good as any explanation. Though the older he grew the most Phil learned on the subject. It was taught in school, and everyone was intrigued in ways like no other. 

Phil, on the other hand, wanted to be anywhere but in that classroom. 

~~~

 _Phil was fourteen and they were teaching them about soulmates it class next week. The teacher asked that all of them being home a slip to sign so they could_ _learn more about what a soulmate was._

_Though every time Phil would bring up soulmates to his father, his father for angry. Phil was hoping this time might be different._

_"Dad I need you to sign this slip for school." Phil said as casually as he could._

_"What is it for?" His father grumbled, ripping the paper out of Phil's hands. Phil gaped and tried to grab it back._

_"It's um for a class it's-"_

_"Permission to learn about the scientific study of soulmates." His father paused, lowering his hands to look at Phil. "So you want to learn about soulmates huh? what have I told you! Soulmates don't exist, they are a stupid stigma that's all!" His father angrily walked towards the door, ripping up the slip as he went._

_"But dad! Didn't you want to learn all about this stuff?" Phil sighed, "what about mom? Wasn't she your one and only?"_

_Phil's father whipped around, staring straight at Phil. Phil gulped and looked down._

_"You don't mention your mother, understood? She was a lying, cheating, miserable excuse for a human being. And she wondered why I left you both. I thought when I left I was done with your whole messed up family but guess what! I'm stuck with the biggest brat of them all!"_

_Phil was already crying, wiping his eyes but never looking up. He realized that day just how much he wasn't wanted._

He also realized that maybe the bad moods and bad days were here to stay. 

~~~

Phil's painting was almost finished, but he knew he would have to fix some edges in the days to follow. He didn't want to be the first one done, because he had no idea where he would put his painting. 

Though today in class he had gotten so far, and despite the voice in his head telling him it sucked, he was proud of it. 

He got up to wash his brushes and put everything away, making sure it looked perfect. He had a few minutes to spare, so he decided to look around and see everyone elses paintings. Everyone had different ideas, or at least, different art styles. He saw girls drawing makeup and though it seemed so commercial, he figured they had some deep meaning. A lot of the paintings though, were hard to make out, or the object represented made no sense. 

Phil observed them quietly, thinking to himself how different everyone was to have these various objects be close to them. When he saw everyone moving and packing up, he figured it was time to go and moved along to his last class of the day. English. 

-

In class they were assigned an essay and Phil was already procrastinating. He didn't want to write the essay or think about the topic. 'Write about a time when you felt out of place or different.'

Phil always felt different, but that was due to his lack of soulmate. Where most kids find their soulmate at and early age, he never did. Though there were many times when he felt different for other reasons. 

He was always wearing turtle necks and jeans even in the warmer weather. His father made him buy this stuff and wear it whenever he told him too. 

Phil shivered and suddenly he felt every bruise on his body ignite. 

~~~

_"Phil!" He heard his father scream from downstairs. He scrambled to get out of bed and he nearly fell down the stairs. When he got to the living room he waited for his father to talk before he did anything._

_His father put down the newspaper he was holding and looked up at Phil. Phil cringed seeing his red rimmed eyes his father had. He must have been drinking._ _He always got yelled at when his father had been drinking._

_His father stood up, wobbling on his feet as he walked towards Phil._

_"Don't you ever say anything!?" His father yelled, nearly tripping over his feet._

_"Sorry." Phil mumbled._

_"You're so stupid, why are you so stupid?" That's when he felt the first hit. The side of his head began throbbing as he fell to the ground. His father then kicked him straight in the stomach, making him cry out in pain._

_"I'm sorry dad!" Phil cried, seeing his father walk away._

_He then ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He gulped back tears as he washed away the dried blood on his lip._

Phil realized quickly that this was going to be a regular thing. 

~~~

Phil jumped out of his seat as quickly as he could so he could get out of the  class. He grabbed the essay format and the books for class and shot out the door. 

He raced out of the classroom and down the hallway. He was nearly to the exit, feeling a little relief to be out of a hallway full of kids. With his head ducked, he rushed forward to try and escape. 

Suddenly he was on the floor, books scattered everywhere.

He fell down onto his backside, a whining noise escaping his mouth as he felt a bruise form. 

Though that wasn't the worst thing about the situation. He ran its another person, who probably hated him now.  He felt tears form in his eyes at the thought of being yelled at. He curled slowly into himself and waited. 

Instead of yelling though, all he heard was a laugh. Not a harsh one directed at him but a simple laugh. Then his books where in his hands and he was being pulled up.

"You should really look where your going, you'll run into some big bully otherwise!"

Phil just nodded.

"Hey, you really need to chin up sunshine, the world is better when you look up!"

Phil felt a hand on his chin and suddenly he was looking up. And it was like a rushing feeling coursing through him. He blinked as the world became sharper and more vivid, and the strangers eyes melted to a caramel brown.

"Wow," the stranger said. Phil felt a warmth spreading through him, and a familiar yet lost sensation come to him. Joy. The stranger smiled at him, knowing exactly what he was feeling. Phil finally saw brown, and that boy before him finally saw blue.

"I'm Dan, and can I just say your eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue. Not that I've ever seen blue before though." The stranger- Dan- winked at him then giggled. 

Phil felt himself blush deeply as he stared wide eyed at Dan. He had this feeling coursing through his veins, making his heart pump so fast. The stranger was, of course, a boy and Phil was already falling for him. He was gorgeous, brown hair that was slightly curly, and matching brown eyes. His skin was a tad darker than Phil's, but still a beautiful pale. 

Phil couldn't help staring at him, he was beautiful. 

"So what's your name?" Dan asked, startling Phil from his stare. He blushed and dropped his eyes away from Dan's. 

"P-phil, my names Phil." Phil bit his lip, embarrassed that he was caught staring so forwardly. 

"Well Phil, it, well it appears that we are soulmates. I would like to get to know you better, would you like to get some coffee?" Dan tilted his head to try and catch Phil's stare but to no avail. Dan thought to himself how shy and reserved he seemed. 

"Yeah, I would like that." Phil mumbled, actually greatly pleased by the offer. He was just still so embarrassed. 

It was a moment before either of them moved. Dan stepped to the side of Phil and took his hand lightly, allowing Phil to pull away if he wanted. 

Phil just blushed and held his hand a bit tighter. 

"Let's go then," Dan giggled, leading the way out of the building. 

 

_Eighteen and a half years later_

Phil stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his suit for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

He smiled into the mirror and waited for Dan's mom to come in and tell him everything was ready. Phil, of course had met Dan's family, and he loved them. They were everything he ever dreamed of having in parents. 

Dan's mom walked in not two minutes later, smiling cheek to cheek. She was ecstatic the day Dan brought home his soulmate, and she loved Phil to death. 

"You ready honey?" She asked, stepping behind Phil in the mirror. 

"Of course," he replied, genuine smile etched into his face. 

They waked the aisle, Phil stepping up to be across from his almost husband. Dan had proposed in the first place, which ended with Phil crying tears of joy. They had already made plans to move into an apartment in London so Dan decided it was time they made it official. 

Dan smiled at Phil and listened as the pastor deemed them husbands. Right before they were meant to kiss, they read their vows, and Dan went first. 

His vows made Phil laugh and then cry and they ended up kissing before the end of it. Phil pulled away, giggling and looking down at his own vows. 

"Dan, I've know you for almost nineteen wonderful years, and let me tell you, they were the best years of my life. Not only did you flip my life upside down, you made me whole. You pieced me back together,"

 

_"Phil talk to me, tell me about yourself." Dan said, leaning across the table and resting his chin on his hand._

_"Oh, I wouldn't want to annoy you," Phil replied, pushing his cup of coffee around on the table._

_"You won't annoy me. I love your voice, it's really nice."_

 

 "You showed me a new side to life,"

 

_"Phil look!" Dan said, pointing to the sky. "The stars are so pretty!" They had driven a few miles out, Dan planning to star gaze with Phil._

_Phil reluctantly looked up, gazing at the stars._

_"You look so incredibly beautiful Phil," Dan whispered, to which Phil dropped his head back down to cover his face. "I mean it Phil, you really should look up more." Dan tilted Phil's chin up again. "You are so beautiful Phil." Dan kissed him quickly on the lips. Phil let his head drop, but this time to conceal the scarlet blush creeping up his face._

_Dan laughed and kissed his cheek._

 

"You helped show me who I was,"

 

_"Is that your painting!" Dan exclaimed, leaning over Phil's shoulder to see it._

_"Yeah, but it's not very good," Phil mumbled under his breath. Dan rested his chin on Phil's shoulder._

_"It's wonderful, just like you." Phil blushed. "Where did you learn?" Dan asked._

_"My grandma was an artist, she taught me."_

_"That's so cool! You should be an artist, you would probably make millions!" Phil smiled and Dan kissed his cheek._

 

"You taught me that soulmates were the best thing. You showed me a new side of being a soulmate,"

 

_"This is Phil, he's my soulmate." Dan said, tugging Phil's jumper so he would look up. He was meeting Dan's parents._

_"Hello," Phil waved shyly._

_Dan's parents shared a smiled and went over to greet Phil._

_"Would you like to stay for dinner dear? We've been waiting to met Dan's soulmate and we couldn't be happier that's it's such a cute boy like you."_

_"Mom!" Dan blushed this time, smiling at Phil. "Though she is right, you are pretty cute."_

_Phil giggled and nodded, answering the question._

 

"And above all, you were gentle, you always took your time with me," 

 

_"Phil's what's wrong?" Dan asks as he picks up the phone to short sobs._

_"He did it again Dan. I need you," Dan felt anger boil in him, but suppressed it._

_"I'm coming just wait outside."_

_Dan pulled up to Phil's house and Phil practically fell into Dan's front seat. Dan didn't say a word, just pulled away and started back to his house._

_He cleaned and wrapped the wounds and kissed each one. Phil cried through the whole thing, and Dan held him._

_Every time it happened, Dan was there and eventually when Phil was old enough, they left. Dan made sure he never raised his voice, and he never left his side when nightmares haunted him._

 

"You were my savior Dan. You were so different from anyone I'd ever met before and you made me complete. Thank you for so many amazing years of my life. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you more than anything."

Dan was holding his hand to his mouth to contain the sobs. Phil reached out and held him. 

"I now pronounce you husband and husband, you may kiss the groom."

Dan kissed him deeply, holding his face. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist and kissed him back. All around them their friends and family cheered. 

When they pulled apart, they smiled and stood there looking into each others eyes, blue gazing into brown. The joy that Phil felt all those years ago when he met Dan never left. Those eyes were a reminder of everything good in his world. The beautiful rich brown eyes that he could finally gaze at forever, and feel happy for the rest of their time. 


End file.
